Amazing Mothers Without Custody

This post is written in memory of  Deb Tambor,  a woman who committed suicide after losing custody and being alienated from her children for choosing to leave her Hassidic community. This post is also written with R in mind who been alienated from her only child for 11 months, S who has been under supervised visitation for 4 years even though her 12 year old begged the judge to remove supervision, H who's children are scattered in foster homes throughout the community, S who was not allowed to go to his daughters wedding, B who cannot choose what color shoes her daughter wears, M who sees his children for 3 hours one day a month, Y who's children are embarrassed of their father and refuse to go for visits, A who is severely limited in seeing her son because she is transgender, M who was tricked into marrying a mentally ill man and is now an alienated non-custodial mother, and all of the others I have met in this journey..... Photo Credit: NPR The...

Disclaimer: As part of my commitment not to disparage the children's father, I will omit and gloss over some facts and details but I will attempt to tell the story as accurately as I possibly can. The events that transpired can only be rationalized as fate because at every turn, a different decision could have changed the entire outcome. I often question why God allowed this to happen, but my faith is strong and I believe that God has a plan that we do not understand. When I filed for divorce in 2015, I asked for full custody with the father having every other weekend, and one night a week. I was conditioned to believe that this was a standard custody arrangement, because this is what society teaches us is the standard custodial arrangement. I was unhappy in the marriage, but divorce was never a serious option. It did cross my mind, but I don't think I would have ever gone through with it. I truly believe that we would have overcame the bumps in our marriage and still be ...

Many women that go through custody battles are accused of being crazy. "She's crazy!" "She's mentally ill!" "She has ______ (fill in the name of any psychological diagnosis here)". All of a sudden, everyone going through custody battles becomes an expert in psychological disorders. Psychological diagnosis are a surefire way to lose custody of your children, and therefore many contentious exes will try to use this argument to win custody. There are those who actually suffer from psychological disorders which prevents them from effectively parenting, but those cases are rare. There are also those who suffer from a psychological disorder but are successfully managing their condition, and it does not interfere with their ability to parent as long as they are following the steps to ensure they stay on track (psychiatrist monitoring, medication, etc.). I'm not talking about these people. I'm talking about false accusations of mental illness,...

A year ago my life changed forever. I still remember that night. My friends took me out for a celebratory dinner and a concert in the park. Everyone reassured me that in a year, things would get better. Guess what? Nothing has changed. A year later, I'm still dealing with the same amount of passive-aggressiveness, gaslighting, spitefulness and vindictiveness. It has not gotten better, and I don't believe it ever will. I remember a remark made earlier that day which was said loud enough for me to hear...."She'll fall apart again within a year" and how the circle of spectators garishly sniggered. They were betting on my downfall. I was determined to prove them wrong. A year later I gleefully celebrate the failure of their prediction. I did not fall apart. My life has remained stable and is on an upwardly mobile track. I used this defeat as a springboard to a better life. I objectively anatomized the events that occurred and further broke them down until ...