The Truth About Narcissists

The cold, hard truth.

There are so many blog posts and advice columns out there about dealing with narcissists, but the truth is that there is no real cure for dealing with a narcissist. Here is the real hard truth that you may not hear very often, or even at all about narcs and how to deal with them.

Weak women will often gravitate towards narcissists. Why is that?

The signs are usually clearly there from the beginning. However, because we are weak, we will view the narcissist as a protector and a provider because they exude confidence and self assuredness. The narcissist will act as the protector and provider not because they truly love us, but because they will see us as possessions, and as such will want to take care of us. The minute we are no longer in their good graces, they will treat us like the enemy, or a blight that disgusts them. They will never treat us with kindness and respect because they never saw us as worthy of kindness and respect to begin with.

Your friendships w…

Legal Bombardment

There is a legal tactic that is seldom talked about. It's called the Legal Bombardment.
Basically, the Opposition will throw everything at you, to see what sticks.
There are two objectives for using this tactic. The first is to zero in on an accusation that may possibly warrant some believability and exploit it to destroy your character. The second is to exhaust you emotionally and financially, so that your resolve is weakened and you give up. This is one of the most aggressive, cruel and abusive legal tactics one can use. It is meant to absolutely destroy a person.
During my custody battle, I was accused of everything under the sun. I was even accused of getting a nose job! Most of the allegations and accusations were frivolous, and even the serious ones were disproven eventually. However, every single time I was faced with an accusation, I felt the need to defend myself. I ended up incurring around $100k in pre-trial legal fees to mitigate the bombardment, and it exhausted me…

How The Hassidic Community Alienates Children From Non-Observant Parents

This post is written in memory of Deb Tambor, a woman who committed suicide after losing custody and being alienated from her children for choosing to leave her Hassidic community.
This post is also written with R in mind who been alienated from her only child for 11 months, S who has been under supervised visitation for 4 years even though her 12 year old begged the judge to remove supervision, H who's children are scattered in foster homes throughout the community, S who was not allowed to go to his daughters wedding, B who cannot choose what color shoes her daughter wears, M who sees his children for 3 hours one day a month, Y who's children are embarrassed of their father and refuse to go for visits, A who is severely limited in seeing her son because she is transgender, M who was tricked into marrying a mentally ill man and is now an alienated non-custodial mother, and all of the others I have met in this journey.....

There is a unique type of parental alienation that occur…

Why I Do Not Have Custody

Disclaimer: As part of my commitment not to disparage the children's father, I will omit and gloss over some facts and details but I will attempt to tell the story as accurately as I possibly can. The events that transpired can only be rationalized as fate because at every turn, a different decision could have changed the entire outcome. I often question why God allowed this to happen, but my faith is strong and I believe that God has a plan that we do not understand.

When I filed for divorce in 2015, I asked for full custody with the father having every other weekend, and one night a week. I was conditioned to believe that this was a standard custody arrangement, because this is what society teaches us is the standard custodial arrangement. I was unhappy in the marriage, but divorce was never a serious option. It did cross my mind, but I don't think I would have ever gone through with it. I truly believe that we would have overcame the bumps in our marriage and still be marr…

Why Family Court Should Discontinue The Use Of Forensic Investigators In Custody Battles

Many women that go through custody battles are accused of being crazy. "She's crazy!" "She's mentally ill!" "She has ______ (fill in the name of any psychological diagnosis here)". All of a sudden, everyone going through custody battles becomes an expert in psychological disorders. Psychological diagnosis are a surefire way to lose custody of your children, and therefore many contentious exes will try to use this argument to win custody. There are those who actually suffer from psychological disorders which prevents them from effectively parenting, but those cases are rare. There are also those who suffer from a psychological disorder but are successfully managing their condition, and it does not interfere with their ability to parent as long as they are following the steps to ensure they stay on track (psychiatrist monitoring, medication, etc.). I'm not talking about these people. I'm talking about false accusations of mental illness, whi…

One Year Later

A year ago my life changed forever. I still remember that night. My friends took me out for a celebratory dinner and a concert in the park. Everyone reassured me that in a year, things would get better. Guess what? Nothing has changed. A year later, I'm still dealing with the same amount of passive-aggressiveness, gaslighting, spitefulness and vindictiveness. It has not gotten better, and I don't believe it ever will.

I remember a remark made earlier that day which was said loud enough for me to hear...."She'll fall apart again within a year" and how the circle of spectators garishly sniggered. They were betting on my downfall. I was determined to prove them wrong.
A year later I gleefully celebrate the failure of their prediction. I did not fall apart. My life has remained stable and is on an upwardly mobile track. I used this defeat as a springboard to a better life. I objectively anatomized the events that occurred and further broke them down until I was down…

Why I Do What I Do

I never thought this was going to be my life. Who ever thinks THIS is going to be their life? You carry a child for 9 months, nurse that child, nurture that child, stay up all night with that child, and all of a sudden you have to fight to have access to that child? To bargain, plead, and beg to spend time with that child? The child you were willing to sacrifice your life and your health for? It is a living nightmare every single day.

I was an amazing mother from the start. My children were planned and wanted. I went through 2 high risk pregnancies, and each issue was detected because I was in that OB/GYN’s office by 6 weeks. I was responsible. I diligently went to doctors appointments every 2 weeks, and followed the doctor's instructions to a T. When my babies were born, I diligently took them to every Pediatrician appointment. The Pediatrician made fun of me for being too neurotic because I asked a million and one questions. I watched their development like a hawk. I fought a…