I Miss His Mom

You have to understand one thing about your mother-in-law. She will always, ALWAYS, choose her son's side over yours. It's nothing personal. Even if he hurt you. Even if she disagrees with him. He's her baby. Her allegiance is to him. 
My ex-MIL is a fantastic woman. My daughter was named after her. She's an accomplished artist and has many talents. We got very close during my marriage. However, the relationship abruptly ended when I filed for divorce. I saw her in court once and she couldn't look me in the eye. 
She's let me into her house once in the last 5 years under the guise of secrecy, and gave me a container of food for dinner. I started to send her pictures of the kids and even called her on video chat when the kids were with me to say hello. I thought the relationship was improving, but once my ex and I started arguing again, my contact with her ceased. This past Purim (a Jewish holiday) I had the kids and was tempted to visit her house and bring her a gift basket and show off the kids costumes, but I stopped myself. 
Having a relationship with me would put a strain on her relationship with her family because my ex and I do not get along. I still care about her,  and I don't want to put her in that position and I respect her need for space. I do miss her though and I hope she is doing well. 
She had to take her son's side. That's what mothers do. As a mother to a son, I can empathize with her decision. It's hard and painful to understand, but I get it. 
If you are struggling with the same issue, put yourself in your MIL's shoes and try to empathize with her. It's not easy, especially if she's enabling him or supporting him while he is doing things that hurt you. To you, he's a grown man, but to her, he's her baby boy. You will never be able to compete with that. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why I Do Not Have Custody

Disclaimer: As part of my commitment not to disparage the children's father, I will omit and gloss over some facts and details but I will attempt to tell the story as accurately as I possibly can. The events that transpired can only be rationalized as fate because at every turn, a different decision could have changed the entire outcome. I often question why God allowed this to happen, but my faith is strong and I believe that God has a plan that we do not understand. When I filed for divorce in 2015, I asked for full custody with the father having every other weekend, and one night a week. I was conditioned to believe that this was a standard custody arrangement, because this is what society teaches us is the standard custodial arrangement. I was unhappy in the marriage, but divorce was never a serious option. It did cross my mind, but I don't think I would have ever gone through with it. I truly believe that we would have overcame the bumps in our marriage and still be
Read more

When Walking Away Seems Like An Option

I learned something very interesting from a business coach and I couldn't help compare it to the position non-custodial parents are put in. She said that when people begin to feel insignificant in their job, they begin to feel a lack of motivation to even wake up in the morning. They don't leave jobs because the job is too hard, they leave because the job has left them empty, and it's no longer worth it.  Non-custodial parents are often left with zero obligation (notwithstanding financially) or parental autonomy. Sometimes they can't take their kids to the doctor. Sometimes they can't do anything with their kids without permission or supervision.  In order for people to feel pride in their work, they need to feel like their input matters. They need to feel like their work is productive and fruitful. They need to find meaning in their work.  Giving one parent custody, usually means releasing the other parent of any autonomy or responsibility whatsoever. When you redu
Read more

Jekyll and Hyde

Image
It is not your imagination. Your children DO act differently with you than they do with their father! I saw this first hand recently when my daughter was hysterical about something. I'm talking full blown meltdown, screaming, and threatening to call her dad. I don't usually respond to these outbursts, but in this case I impulsively hit the call button and handed her the phone. She panicked and quickly ended the call, and went back to being hysterical....but then everything changed when he called back. Within a SECOND her entire demeanor changed from hysterical level 9 drama to completely calm, quiet, and collected. Not a tear in sight!!! "Why did you call?", he asked suspiciously (he hardly speaks to the children when they are with me). "Uhh, I just called to say hi", she said casually.  I sat there in shock with my mouth agape, smacking my forehead with the palm of my hand and internally screaming. I couldn't understand how she went from hysterical, cry
Read more