You Can't Climb Mount Everest In A Day

 


It is extremely important to mitigate your expectations while dealing with a contentious custody battle. Just as you cannot get to the top of Mount Everest with one step, you cannot undue years of legal issues in a day. It takes time and baby steps to change your legal status.

I learned this early on in my custody battle. In the early stages of my custody battle, my ex and I unsuccessfully tried establishing a visitation schedule. He wanted the children every other night but I refused to allow our children to commute every other night. After much back and forth, we finally settled on him getting every weekend. I was assured by my lawyer that this would be easily reversible and temporary. When I realized it wasn't working, I asked my lawyer to change the schedule. He told me we would need to file a motion to do this. I had to pay my lawyer an additional $2500 to file this motion, only to be told in court that there is no reason to change it. I ended up having to give up 4 Wednesdays a month to gain 2 Sundays a month. Consequently, I did not have a weekend with my kids for almost 2 years. This is when I first learned about status quo. Nobody explained to me that what the current situation is, becomes status quo and cannot be easily changed. At the same time, if you give something (like time, or permission), it will be nearly impossible to take it back.

Status quo rules in custody cases. Status quo means that whatever happened before, will continue to happen. Courts are reluctant to change status quo.

Changing your legal status will not be easy. For example, if you are on supervised visitation and you want shared custody, it will be a long and slow journey. It may not even be possible, and you may end up as a non-custodial parent with visitation. In order to change your situation, you will first need to prove to the court that you are not who they think you are. You will need to document everything you do, and everything your ex does. The court doesn't care about one-off incidences, but if you can show patterns- this will make more of an impression.

Most of all, you will need patience. Patience is key. The courts move at a snails pace. They don't care that your situation is unbearable. Rushing things will hurt you in the long run. You need to remember to keep your eyes on the prize and never lose hope.

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