How To Speak To A Bully

I'm a huge fan of the Grey Rock method, but sometimes you need to be direct and flat out say what behavior you would like to see be done differently. The method below works on children and ex-spouses who act like children.

However, doing this is treading a thin line. If you don't choose your words carefully, you can make an already hostile person even more hostile. The key here is to criticize specific behavior, and not the person doing it.

For example, instead of calling someone a jerk, or a narcissist, or a POS, say something like "don't speak to me in that tone of voice" or "don't call me that" or "I don't appreciate being threatened".

Addressing the behavior directly will give them much less wiggle room if they're the type to gaslight you, or invalidate everything you say. Criticizes them personally (ie saying "you're such a jerk!") will also make them defensive,  and doesn't specify how you would like them to change.

Finally, when dealing with an antagonistic or abusive person, it's important to remember not to take their insults personally. That's what they want. They want a reaction out of you, and they want to make you upset. Don't give them that satisfaction.

Staying calm when someone antagonizes  you is a difficult skill to master, and takes years. Don't kick yourself if you fail at it a bunch of times. You'll get better eventually!