Jekyll and Hyde

It is not your imagination. Your children DO act differently with you than they do with their father!

I saw this first hand recently when my daughter was hysterical about something. I'm talking full blown meltdown, screaming, and threatening to call her dad. I don't usually respond to these outbursts, but in this case I impulsively hit the call button and handed her the phone. She panicked and quickly ended the call, and went back to being hysterical....but then everything changed when he called back.

Within a SECOND her entire demeanor changed from hysterical level 9 drama to completely calm, quiet, and collected. Not a tear in sight!!!

"Why did you call?", he asked suspiciously (he hardly speaks to the children when they are with me). "Uhh, I just called to say hi", she said casually.  I sat there in shock with my mouth agape, smacking my forehead with the palm of my hand and internally screaming. I couldn't understand how she went from hysterical, crying, screaming to calm in 3 seconds!!

When he hung up, I was still in shock. "WHAT WAS THAT?!!!" I asked. She giggled, but I could tell she was ramping up the drama again.

"Sorry kid, I'm not falling for it anymore", I said. She then went on to explain that she couldn't talk to him or confide in him the way she felt comfortable doing with me, and it finally clicked for me.

Had I not seen this behavior first hand, I would have probably contacted dad and told him of the concern she brought up and then he would have called me a liar and a crazy person because she wouldn't have told him what was on her mind.

I learned an important lesson that day. Your child may feel like they can talk to you a certain way, confide in you, or get away with things with you that they can't get away with him, or vice versa.

This is why you need to be extra careful when your child comes to you with a complaint about the other parent. You need to use your intuition to determine if they are being dramatic, attention seeking, or if the concern is valid. You could also find yourself in a situation where the child is willing to confide something in you but not in anyone else, making you look like a liar and getting accused of coaching or causing drama when you contact the proper authorities.

Sadly, in a custody situation you need to tread lightly when a child comes to you with a concern. If the child is over-inflating an issue and you bring it up to an authority figure, you may face serious ramifications. I recommend taking the "wait and see" route before taking action. it may be hard to see your child suffering and not jumping to act, but you may be jumping to your proverbial death if you act in haste. Tread lightly.