Amazing Mothers Without Custody

You used to be a totally normal woman, but then you were hit with the most difficult and painful thing that ever happened to you. You didn't know how to deal. You broke down. You were accused of being crazy. It made you crazy. You're now feeling kind of broken. Congratulations, you are now part of the Custody Battle PTSD Club. Here are some of the psychological disorders that you may now possess, that you didn't possess before: Anxiety :   You can't stop worrying about everything. What's coming next? Am I going to lose everything? Will my kids hate me? How am I going to pay for this? Why is nobody listening to me?!  Panic Attacks:   This one is dark. You're overwhelmed with emotions and you can't. Stop. Crying. Your throat feels like it's closing up. Your stomach hurts. The tears roll down your cheeks uncontrollably. You start to hyperventilate. You can't make it stop!!!! Paranoia : Is that car following me? Is she really my friend or is ...

You have to understand one thing about your mother-in-law. She will always, ALWAYS, choose her son's side over yours. It's nothing personal. Even if he hurt you. Even if she disagrees with him. He's her baby. Her allegiance is to him.  My ex-MIL is a fantastic woman. My daughter was named after her. She's an accomplished artist and has many talents. We got very close during my marriage. However, the relationship abruptly ended when I filed for divorce. I saw her in court once and she couldn't look me in the eye.  She's let me into her house once in the last 5 years under the guise of secrecy, and gave me a container of food for dinner. I started to send her pictures of the kids and even called her on video chat when the kids were with me to say hello. I thought the relationship was improving, but once my ex and I started arguing again, my contact with her ceased. This past Purim (a Jewish holiday) I had the kids and was tempted to visit her house and...

Were you accused of being crazy during your custody battle? Were you accused of doing drugs? Were you accused of being a danger to your children? Were you accused of being physically abusive?  Did you have a restraining order taken out against you? Were you arrested for 'violating' a restraining order? Were you accused of parental alienation? Guess what, this is par for the course of every contentious custody battle. Anything can be taken and sensationalized and blown out of proportion.  This is the reality of family court. You are not alone.

  It is extremely important to mitigate your expectations while dealing with a contentious custody battle. Just as you cannot get to the top of Mount Everest with one step, you cannot undue years of legal issues in a day. It takes time and baby steps to change your legal status. I learned this early on in my custody battle. In the early stages of my custody battle, my ex and I unsuccessfully tried establishing a visitation schedule. He wanted the children every other night but I refused to allow our children to commute every other night. After much back and forth, we finally settled on him getting every weekend. I was assured by my lawyer that this would be easily reversible and temporary. When I realized it wasn't working, I asked my lawyer to change the schedule. He told me we would need to file a motion to do this. I had to pay my lawyer an additional $2500 to file this motion, only to be told in court that there is no reason to change it. I ended up having to give up 4 Wednesd...

This is a picture of my son clinging to me as I prepare lunch. He is having classes on Zoom today. He constantly needs to touch me in some way, whether it's touching my face as he talks to me or being stuck to me like glue while I cook. He is a well behaved, calm, articulate and sweet child, and he is flourishing in his academic studies. A year ago this was not the case. A year ago, he was angry, aggressive, emotionally dysregulated, and bouncing off the walls. He was also failing in school. So what changed? The short answer is; the Covid-19 pandemic.  In March 2020, the kids came home from school and did not return for months. We didn't leave the house. We didn't see other people. Their father and I conducted exchanges based on the school calendar, but instead of going to school, they came home. Suddenly, we spent copious amounts of quality time together. Quality time that we had not had since he was 2 years old.  His father and I split when he was 13 months old. We unsucc...

This article in the UK Mirror makes me really angry. It's written by a mother who writes "I can't stand to be around my nine-year-old daughter - I avoid her at all costs" because she doesn't like who her daughter is. Hey lady, guess what? You did that. I believe that a child's personality is molded by the parent or caregiver. If you have a rotten kid, it's YOUR own fault. YOU, your parenting, your behavior, and your attitude is the reason your child is the way they are. Your child's negative traits are a direct reflection of your own failure. Some non-custodial parents do not have enough physical time with their children, and that makes it harder to influence their behavior, but it is still possible to do it from afar. As a mentor to troubled teen girls, I can attest to that. Even a small dose of good influence and guidance can go a long way to shape a child. A parent has 2 jobs when raising children. The first, is to keep them alive- the basic physio...